Slowing down (or Cranking down the S)

In one way or another, I've been running since we got back from our October vacation (right).  Getting the gardens and house caught up before surgery, trying to get Christmas stuff done post surgery, giving daughter advice on her college and scholarship essays, getting younger son's party and birthday ready for last weekend, and lots of doctor's appointments and physical therapy (daughter has tendinitis so this week, we have two doctor's appointments and three physical therapy appointments), and 20 minutes of physical therapy, five times a day - all have added to making my days, rushed, choppy, and not deeply focused.

Older son printed out a copy of his second semester college schedule for me last weekend.  It really hit me that one out of eight college semesters is done for him.  Then it hit me even harder that daughter only has one more semester of homeschooling left.  My knee, her tendinitis, and her college & scholarship essays have taken up lots of time in the fall semester. 

I could keep running from thing to thing.  I've gotten to the point where I'm getting lots of distinct things done - this cleaned, that organized, etc.  However, I need to step back ("Step away from the S" - in Myers-Briggs terms) and think about exactly what I want to get done and what's most important for the next few months. 

[For those unfamiliar with Myers-Briggs, S is sensing, and N is intuition.  Sensing involves facts, details, and practicality.  Intuition involves patterns, meanings, and possibilities.  I'm slightly higher on N than on S (68%/32%) - but the difference isn't anywhere near as large as my I(ntrovert)/E(xtrovert) difference, where I'm about 80% I.]

I realized that's part of why I haven't written much lately.  I write on the N side, and I haven't spent much time there at all for months.  I've always found that my long walks for exercise are also very good for thinking up blog posts.  I haven't been able to take those walks since mid-November. 

While thinking about it today, I realized that church is also a very S activity - very practical.  What needs to be done next?  I enjoy choir and the people I know, but the conversation is very immediate.  Where do the sopranos need to sit?  What descants are we singing?  I enjoy having short conversations before or after the service or rehearsals, but, as in any church I've belonged to, they're generally practical or "catching up." 

Usually this is fine, but, faithwise, I've been in an N-ish, "What do I believe, does it have any meaning in my life, or am I just making this all up?" situation for the last few months, and I realized that there is nothing that happens naturally at churches that will help that.  Those aren't the sort of questions that the day-to-day interactions or the rituals can involve.

Any church would be like that. Think about it - you politely ask, in the few minutes after the service before you go home for lunch, how someone is doing, and they reply that they're not sure what they believe.  That's not what anyone expects, and it would probably freak most people out....

...well, except for me, maybe.  I really enjoy N-ish conversations about meaning.  Conversation is not always that easy for me so I'd often rather have a conversation that delved deeper.

As I've mentioned, I can do S pretty well.  I can even enjoy it in the short term, but it's not what makes me happiest.  It's not what makes me feel like me.

Sometimes it can take quite a while for me to slow down again.  I was worried that would happen this time.  However, Sunday night, after we were all done with younger son's birthday celebration, I turned off the computer, went up to bed, and started reading The Grace of Great Things.  I haven't really been able to read really thoughtful non-fiction for months.  I was happy that I wanted to. 

[Photo from 10/18/09 - Snow covered Grandfather Mountain on the other side of Price Lake.]

Comments

[Steve]

I'm glad you were in the right place again to write this... And the book is a great choice. I would love to talk to you about your impressions. I'm into Part III now...