Just skip this post
February 11, 2009
Really. You don't want to read another one of these, although this does have a different twist - "The intellectual results of knee surgery." This is why you should leave now (or go look at my Happy Birthday Older Son post). You've heard enough about my knee to last you a lifetime. See you tomorrow!
Okay, now that there's no one left but me and my navel (i.e. this feels like another navel-gazeng-y sort of post and I'm irritating myself by writing another one, but that's what's on my mind today unless you want to sit with me and sing a maudlin version of "Turn around and he's two, Turn around and he's four, Turnaround and he's a young man walking out of the door")(I've always hated that song)...
Driving versus everything else. It's a trade off because driving puts so much strain on my knee. If I drive, I do less walking/physical therapy/etc. I only drive a few times a week.
Everyone has been great about helping out - dear husband is driving me to my voice lesson and choir today, older son is driving me back from choir and to my physical therapy tomorrow morning, and daughter drives me when the other two aren't around.
Lately, daughter hasn't been going to the late morning ballet class due to various scheduling things, and I was determined to get her back to it. It's one of the most challenging dance classes she takes, and she really needs that right now.
I dropped her off (she's staying there until her afternoon class), and then went to take a walk at Duke Gardens (Another reason why I told you to skip this post. I'm tormenting you with more Duke Garden photos). Younger son didn't have to come along because dear husband is working at home today.
Driving away, all by myself in the van, I felt so free.
Not that I like driving - I'm quite happy sitting on the subway in Boston reading a good book and letting someone else drive. But I've felt very dependent on everyone, even though they're quite willing to drive.
I realised, while walking there, that I haven't been writing the sort of posts that I, at least occasionally, like to write. On Not Keeping in Touch... was in the ballpark, but a bit too navel-gaze-ing-y and slightly repetitive. I've written about perfectionism and trouble with words before.
Not that every post is going to be the sort I'm missing, but I like to have them at least occasionally. The sorts of posts where I just wander through ideas (The "Favorite Posts" sidebar has some of them). I'm not doing as much of that lately - even though I've got plenty of input. I'm in the middle of a number of different books, there are the things we watch, the blogs I read, and lots of music to listen to. But nothing is sparking anything in me. I usually try to have new ideas to mention at the dinner table. Lately, I rarely do.
I'm starting to bore myself.
Dear husband recently mentioned that he feels that there's a walled garden, inside which, he can paint the way he wants to, but that he can't get there. I also realised today that I have a different sort of garden. Mine doesn't have the walls, and it has different beds for different kinds of creativity. However, I feel like the part of my garden is empty where the kind of writing I want to do is supposed to live. That part is a desert. There are other parts of the garden that are fine. One out of every ten or twenty photos comes out (sort of) the way I want it. Voice lessons are going amazingly well. But the word-ish ideas aren't there.
Given that I deal with seasonal depression, that's not surprising. Usually, in the winter, my best posts are written immediately after I do aerobics or Broadway dance. They both put me in a normal (non-wintery) mood. I feel the most energetic and alive in the two hours following. It's not just that I enjoy them; it's that I can throw myself into them totally - physically and mentally, without anything left over. I feel entirely different when I'm done.
Of course, because of my knee, I haven't been doing either. I know my mood depends on them, but I hadn't thought that the intellectual part of my mind also does.
While revising this, I just realized that choir does the same thing! I've known that singing is one of the things that has kept me going this winter.
[Photos:
- Cinnamon-scented, weeping cherry;
- A heron by my favorite bridge (I thought I wasn't going to take a picture of the bridge today, but the heron was posing right there).
- Wonderful, early-blooming daffodils
- Flowering quince and winter jasmine.]
This is the worst time of the year for posting... I think if you went back through your blog you might find a gap every year, where there are fewer of the more meaty posts... My painting has slowed down quite a bit since December, too. It's our low point - like mental hibernation.
Food smells downstairs at this hour??? Daughter maybe? I've got to go have a snack. I'll read a book - I don't do that much lately.
Posted by: Steve | February 11, 2009 at 09:51 PM
This is the worst time of the year for posting... I think if you went back through your blog you might find a gap every year, where there are fewer of the more meaty posts... My painting has slowed down quite a bit since December, too. It's our low point - like mental hibernation.
Food smells downstairs at this hour??? Daughter maybe? I've got to go have a snack. I'll read a book - I don't do that much lately.
Posted by: Steve | February 11, 2009 at 09:52 PM
It was such a nice day earlier. We stayed in because baby was extra sleepy today. I think he's cutting another tooth, based on the amount of drool and sleepiness. The photos are lovely. They always make me feel like it's not so bad when I'm stuck inside on a nice day. I'm looking forward to my daffodils coming up before long, too.
I hope the monitor works for Tamlin and the humans.
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