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moominpapa

Seurat's line about standing by, and the lines about looking at life "through the window" remind me of the Thomas Mann story Tonio Kroger which also takes that as its theme. I was greatly moved by that story, when I read it in high schoool. Because I can see how you could do that with your life, and in my twenties I often felt that kind of removal - that standing by and watching, appraising, judging, like a film editor or choreographer... But largely because of my involvement with you, and then even more with our children, this is not how things turned out. And while I can sometimes now have an image or a painting buzzing the background of my life or my mind all day long, it doesn't cut me off. It doesn't make me stay insisde when I'd rather be outside, living my life.

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