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In which I ramble about... whatever

Blogging in Lieu of Comfort Food

I do so want to eat some comfort food right now.  I haven't done that for a very long time.  Not even when I was all angsty about joining choir.

By the way, choir is over for the summer, and I'm not feeling terribly angsty about it anymore anyway (I'm just going to miss it).  My new source of angst is the writing workshop (previous posts here and here). 

Dancing with the teens last week was nothing compared to this.  Writing something quickly and not having time (as in days) to rethink and revise - and then read it out loud?! 

This week, I actually did read what I wrote out loud, even though they're all writers, and I'm not (previous post on not being a writer here).  I consider myself the comic relief.

Not only are the others writers, they're also almost all heavily involved at church, which I also am not.  I've gotten to feel fairly comfortable in choir, but going to anything else at church besides choir and the 11 am service is so far out of my comfort zone that I can't even see my comfort zone over there in the distance.  It's out of sight. 

Basically, this evening, I went right into social phobia territory (which I've done at this church before so it's not that far a reach)(but I'm not going back over that story).  I had to do that little breathing thing where you hold your breath to change the blood chemistry in your brain in order to calm down.  That didn't even help all the way. 

(By the way, again, this has everything to do with me and nothing to do with anyone else.  The other participants were quite friendly.)

At one point, I finished a writing exercise a few minutes early.   I started playing Madonna's Material Girl in my head and came up with an aerobic combination* to it.  Doing something (though briefly and only in my head) that I feel competent at made me feel calmer.

(And yes, I did also pay attention to everything everyone said, and to how other people seemed to be feeling, and to the writing exercises, and to trying to make at least some lame attempt at responding, even if it was only nodding and smiling, in order not to just sit there doing a good impersonation of a statue).

On the way home, I had to cheer myself up.  Guess which CD I fortuitously brought along?  Those who've been reading my blog can now say in chorus:

Fosse  

I was kind of hoarse by the time I got home after singing Life is Just a Bowl of Cherries (twice), Bye, Bye Blackbird, and Steam Heat at the top of my lungs to calm myself down/cheer myself up.

I think I'll do that on the way there next time. 


*  Walk up 2 times, press 2 times right and left, grapevine back right and left, repeater knees left 4 times.  Repeat on the left. 

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