Lordi
Gardening - May 29, 2006

Blogging/ "Unworthy" - Cheryl Wheeler

I've been absent.  Well, I've been on the computer, but I'd almost forgotten I had a blog. 

The various stress related health problems that I get occasionally - I've got pretty much all of them at the same time.  Plus insomnia.  After being dizzy driving to aerobics, and then being dizzy all the way through aerobics one morning last week, I realized that I needed to change things.  Dear husband had been telling me that for half a week already, but I thought that I was just being lazy and needed to work harder.  Except the harder I tried, the more problems I was having!

So... I'm taking June off - from homeschooling, from work (I work part-time in the evenings so this isn't as drastic as it sounds) - just to rejuvenate and calm down.  We even ended up cancelling our usual vacation to go see my sister and her family in Pennsylvania (that was the hardest thing to change!).  While we always enjoy visiting, the packing and travelling aren't going to help me rest. 

However, in order to get ready for this month off (seems so decadent!), I've been trying to get my work to a good stopping point - which has left me no time for blogging.  And, when I've got insomnia (which makes me cranky), you wouldn't want to read what I'd write anyway!

I will quick post 3 garden photos, though. 

You know how sometimes a writer will write a song, and you think that they've been inside your head or reading your mind?  This song has gone well with my mood lately (from Cheryl Wheeler's CD, Sylvia Hotel)(comments in brackets are mine!)

Unworthy
I'm unworthy, and no matter what I'm doing,
I should certainly be doing something else.  [That's me!]
And it's selfish to be thinking I'm unworthy,
all this me, me, me, me, self, self, self, self, self.  [and I worry about this too!]
If I'm talking on the phone I should be working on the lawn
which looks disgraceful from the things I haven't done.
If I'm working on the lawn I should be concentrating on
those magazines inside, since I have not read one. [the pile is about a foot high now]

I should learn how to meditate and sew and bake
and dance and paint and sail and make gazpacho
I should turn my attention to repairing
all those forty year old socks there in that bureau.  [I got rid of the old socks when younger son was born]
I should let someone teach me to run Windows,
and learn French that I can read and write and speak.
I should get life in prison for how I treated my parents
from third grade until last week.

I should spend more time playing with my dog [cats]
and much less money on this needless junk I buy.
I should send correspondence back to everyone
who's written, phoned or faxed since junior high.  [e-mail piling up]

I should sit with a therapist until I understand
the way I felt back in my mom.
I should quit smoking, drinking, eating, thinking
sleeping, watching TV, writing stupid songs.

I should be less impatient when the line just takes forever
'cause the two cashiers are talking.
I should see what it's like to get up really early
rain or shine and spend three hours walking. [I always should exercise more!]

I should know CPR and deep massage and Braille
and sign language  and how to change my oil.
I should go where the situation's desperate
and build and paint and trudge and tote and toil. [I feel I should do this too - with 3 kids?!]

I should chant in impossible positions
till my legs appear to not have any bones.  [someday I'll get to yoga]
I should rant at the cops and politicians
and the corporations-in indignant tones.  [I'll let other blogs do that]

I should save lots of money to leave Audubon,
plus all the rocks and animals and plants.
I should brave possibilities for plotting plums of problems
prob'ly blossomed, plausibly from

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I'm unworthy.

Here's the story behind the song.  And of course, you should go listen to it.

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