Or, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've been dealing with seasonal depression probably since I was my daughter's age, and I always notice a big difference around her birthday. Today (don't read if you're in the northeast!), it's in the upper 50's and I just went for a long, beautiful, sunlit walk. There was even a daffodil blooming in someone's yard (Of course, it was just two days ago that I was disappointed that we didn't get any snow! Well, we got a few flurries, but we wanted some sledding weather).
I also can tell a difference in the light - there's a lot more of it right now than there was a few weeks ago. It's not just that the days are longer; the light is also brighter. I'm gradually feeling like I have more energy - particularly today!
Earlier this afternoon, I went to pick up some things from the store for my daughter's birthday dinner. I took the country route home, listening to Dar Williams' CD, "The Beauty of the Rain."
As I got to the most beautiful part of the drive (the farms on both sides of old 86 south of I-40 for those of you who know Orange County), I slowed waaaay down and opened all the windows (no one was behind me). I really soaked in the sun, trees, grass, and horses in the meadow - while listening to "The World's not Falling Apart":
The closest thing to God that I have heard, Is when I knew I did not have the final word.
You say the world has lost its love, I say embrace what it's made of.
I'll snake a camera to your heart, Snake a camera to your heart.
The world's not falling apart, The world's not falling apart. Because of me.
The song which follows always gets me, especially this week when my older son turned 18 (and became a National Merit Finalist) and my daughter turns 14. I ended up at home with tears running down my face:
The One Who Knows
Time it was I had a dream, and you're the dream come true.
If I had the world to give, I'd give it all to you.
I'll take you to the mountains, I will take you to the sea.
I'll show you how this life became a miracle to me.
You'll fly away, but take my hand until that day. So when they ask how far love goes,
When my job's done you'll be the one who knows.
Before the mountains call to you, before you leave this home.
I want to teach your heart to trust, as I will teach my own,
But sometimes I will ask the moon where it shined upon you last,
And shake my head and laugh and say it all went by too fast.
You'll fly away, but take my hand until that day...
To listen to it - which I highly recommend: The Beauty of the Rain
There's also one of those Amazon lists of music Dar Williams recommends, including some of my favorites such as Cheryl Wheeler, Judy Collins, and Joan Baez: Dar Williams List of Music You Should Hear.