I wish I could have dreams more like older son's. One morning recently, he mentioned that he had a dream that was like the movie, "Love, Actually" - except with time travel and space aliens. His dreams are almost always very creative and interesting.
Sigh. That same morning, I was remembering my dream from the night before. In my dream, I was trying to go and sing in choir. However, for some reason, I couldn't leave the house until I had taken care of all of my piles of papers. The piles kept growing and multiplying, but I finally took care of all of them. As soon as I did that, a nurse came into the room and gave me an allergy shot, which made my throat swell so that I couldn't sing.
That dream pretty much describes what I've been focused on lately. I've had lots of doctor's appointments - all trying to attack the blood pressure issue in some form or another. Even the allergy shots, which I started a few weeks ago, I hope will help my allergies enough so that I can get off of Sudafed, which raises blood pressure. I had throat swelling from the first few shots, but they reduced the concentration so, now, I just get a bit loopy. I read for an hour and then go home.
With driving and waiting, the allergy shots take about four hours of time every week. All the doctor's appointments I had in January and the first part of February took up lots of time, and many of them didn't do any good. I'm trying to pare down to the things that I think will help my bp the most. I was trying to do all the things that have been recommended, and I was getting burnt out and unfocused on all of them.
I had my second sleep study last Monday (they didn't do the first one right). I knew from the first one, back in November, that it made me even more exhausted than a normal, bad night of insomnia (1 - 2 hours sleep). I hoped the second one would be better, but it wasn't. For days, I was exhausted, totally unfocused, and had no enthusiasm for anything. I started feeling slightly normal on Thursday evening (able to drive, etc.), but I was even exhausted for half of Friday. I think today is the first day I've felt good all day, but it's only 4 pm.
In other words, I lost most of a week to the sleep study. At least I couldn't feel guilty about being exhausted (i.e. lazy) because I gave up guilt for Lent. Although younger son did lots on his own, my ability to homeschool was minimal, and figuring out the answers to math questions took me forever (I majored in math; no, I don't use a teacher's manual!). I had to skip Zumba classes and my voice lesson.
On the bright side... sort of... it turns out that I do have sleep apnea, which can be a major contributor to blood pressure problems. I have to go back to the doctor in a few weeks to see where we go from here.
I've been irritated to loose so much time to medical stuff - and it's not like dealing with blood pressure usually takes up that much time for most people. Many people can take a happy pill to fix it and then get on with their regular lives.
Thursday, we had a warm, sunny afternoon. I wandered around the yard and cut some of the first daffodils, because we were going to get sleet and freezing rain on Friday. After Thursday's sun and warmth, Friday felt like being hit in the face with a wet fish. I thought I was dealing with winter pretty well this year, but, today, I finally admitted that I still have seasonal depression.
Even the piles of paper in the dream I mentioned have to do with my frustration. I've been feeling like things have just been piling up all over the house. We rearranged the library into a room for me about a year ago. I haven't posted about it because it's still not done. I realized that I've started keeping piles of papers and other things all over the library to remind me to do them. However, it's also a less restful and thoughtful place because I'm constantly reminded by looking at the piles. I've redone the way I organize things in the last few weeks. We got Microsoft Outlook, and I put all my papers in a hanging file in my desk, and now, at certain times of day, the computer reminds me of what needs to be done. So far, it seems to be working better.
I guess my biggest frustration is that, in the winter, we usually have more inside time to work on homeschooling projects. It's one of the (few, for me) reasons to look forward to winter. I haven't had the time or the energy to get those started. Younger son is also going through another growth spurt so he's been really tired too. He's almost as tall as older son now. On the positive side, The Lord of the Rings has really been increasing his reading speed. It took him about two months to finish the first volume, and he's read most of the second volume in two weeks.
What's interesting, is that I know that, although two years from now, I'll remember that this time was frustrating, what I'll remember most are the long family conversations after meals, taking a walk with dear husband in the snow in downtown Hillsborough last Saturday, younger son's increasing interest in wide-ranging conversations, Skype conversations with daughter, enjoying older son's art, and watching White Nights with everyone the evening I felt the worst.