I'm exhausted. All the time.
On March 20th, as a result of my sleep study, I got a CPAP machine. Some people adjust to one really well and feel refreshed right away when they start using it. Other people can take months to get used to it and to get enough sleep to feel normal again. Apparently, it's called "sleep debt." One's body wants to make up for all the bad sleep it's gotten.
Stupid body. I'm used to doing my normal schedule on 6 hours of sleep a night, plus a nap. Now, I can't even do a reduced schedule without 7 to 8 hours a night - plus a nap!
The first week on it, I felt as exhausted as the day after getting over the flu. I couldn't drive in the evening at all, and I actually started to drink coffee (BLEEEEECH!) in order to be alert enough to drive in the morning. By the third week, I was starting to feel a bit better - say, like two days after the flu. This week, (well, except for the intestinal virus that dear husband and I both had last week which not only kept him home from work but kept him from even working at home (he rarely feels so sick that he doesn't work from home)), is maybe like three days after the flu - when you can do a bit more, but you're still exhausted by about 4 pm.
I dropped Broadway Dance the first week (sniff), and I've missed lots of Zumba classes because I was too tired to even drive in the evenings, much less drive and do Zumba.
Yesterday, I was so tired that, by halfway through a morning Zumba class after a fairly decent night's sleep, all I wanted to do was to lie down on the Zumba floor and go to sleep.
I realized that I have to cut back even more, expecially with all the things coming up the next month. Older son has an awards ceremony at college (Language award for Best Beginning Japanese student) on Wednesday and a 3D Game Design demonstration on Friday. Graduation is in a few weeks, along with other things. I know that just going to see the Playmaker's performance of Cabaret tomorrow afternoon will wear me out so I have to skip church and choir.
What's sad is that this is supposed to be my "recharging" time of the year. We take our longest break from formal homeschooling in the spring, and, usually, I'm rejuvenated after enjoying the spring. Right now, I have to really push myself to do even my reduced schedule so I'm not going to be rejuvenated when we start again. I'll be lucky if I'm beyond "dragging myself around" by then. Not only am I too tired to enjoy the time, but I'm too tired to do any of the small projects I've been saving until "I have more time."
I'm focusing on the most important things. Last weekend, we went to Asheville for daughter's dance concert (Biltmore tulips in Asheville - above, right). I'm clearing out my schedule next week so that I have energy to go to older son's award ceremony and demonstration. Driving to Chapel Hill and Durham (20 minutes away) wears me out so I'll be taking the bus over to Raleigh (45 minutes) for those.
Younger son is doing a lot more around the house (older son has been sick for months so I'm not asking him), and dear husband is making most dinners (he cooks far better than I do) and getting groceries. I hate having to ask him to do all that.
I hate being exhausted, I hate having to pace myself, and I hate not being able to do the things I want. I feel lazy - I should just be able to push myself to do more. It's a good thing that I decided to keep giving up feeling guilty even after Lent was over because, if I were still feeling guilty, I'd be really guilty about being so lazy.
The company that makes the CPAP equipment has a "sleep coach" that calls you every few weeks to find out how things are going. She said that a lot of people have to adjust to the CPAP and that it can take months. That was good to hear, although I don't like the results right now.
Later: I wrote that first bit this afternoon while dear husband was mowing the yard. Today, all I did was go to the Farmer's Market, take a walk around Hillsborough, light gardening, a bit of housework, and dear husband and I went to the Depot to get pizza from the Capp's Pizza truck. Once I'm really tired, I occasionally get dizzy spells - like in the Depot.
It's only 9 pm, and I feel like it's four in the morning. :P