While I was making breakfast this morning, I thought, "I'm tired... and depressed." I quickly rethought it however (which is a new thing for me), and realized that I wasn't depressed. The weather is beautiful, I have lots of time today to get the things done that I've planned, dear husband is working at home so we'll be able to eat lunch together, my breathing is much better today, and I even slept well last night.
I am tired, though.
The breathing is the key part. Due to mixups with both the new mail-order pharmacy and my doctor's office and also due to the Romney campaign, which filled up my answering machine with unneccessary political ads, leaving no room for the pharmacy message, I didn't get the Flovent (maintenance inhaler, used daily, which keeps my lungs open) which I ordered at the beginning of October so that it would be here when we got back from vacation last week. Because there was no message, I didn't realize that it was missing for two days.
The Flovent inhaler that I had was almost gone by mid-week, and it never works well when it gets down to the end. After a week of using an almost-empty inhaler, my asthma got really bad Sunday night so I didn't get much sleep. Even though I got an emergency prescription from a local pharmacy yesterday, it takes a few days to build up in my body and keep my airways open. I tried taking naps yesterday, but the only one that worked was when I was sitting in the recliner. You know when you've just gotten over a really bad bout of the flu and breathing seems like a chore? That's where I am today.
I did manage to sleep last night so I feel better today, but still very tired. When I get depressed, of course, I feel tired, but I've also ended up assuming that I'm depressed just because I'm unusually tired. I've started to try to turn this around by trying to look at which one is the cause and which one is the effect. If I couldn't appreciate the beautiful sunshine today and the autumn flowers blooming, then I would be depressed.
Older son says that he just doesn't pay attention to anything he thinks about emotions after 10 pm, and I'm trying to do that too. Late at night, I often assume I'm depressed just because I'm so tired - then I try to figure out why I'm depressed rather than just going to bed. Unfortunately, experience has shown that, if I go to bed before midnight, I end up wide awake at 3 am, and I hate being wide awake at 3 am. Sometimes, I'll fudge, round up, and go to bed at 11:30.
I should have some thoughtful conclusion to this post, but I'm too tired. I included a photo from vacation - those are the gardens at the Biltmore Estate. My carpal tunnel is getting better so I may be able to go back to the vacation photo posts I started before the carpal tunnel.