Another week, another blood pressure medicine - BLECH!!!!!!

[Long, and I'm really just thinking out loud on paper here on the computer] 

3 1/2 years ago, when I injured my knee and had to stop teaching aerobics, my blood pressure, which had always been fine, skyrocketed.  Three months after my injury, I tried a blood pressure drug (HCTZ - I'm not going to type it out).  It made me really loopy and changed my personality.  Bizarre things would pop into my head and they came straight out of my mouth.  If you know me in person, you know that's not me.  Older son and dear husband thought it was funny, but it scared younger son.  He avoided me.

I got off the drug.   

I've had bad reactions to every drug I've been put on in the last ten years so I've worked really hard the last few years to try to get my blood pressure down naturally.  Our grocery bill has gone up because of all of those fruits and vegetables.  I had two knee surgeries and I'm doing Zumba or walking an hour every day.  On nice days, I do both, or, in the summer, I walk early in the morning and swim in the afternoon.  I've tried yoga DVDs, but I'm cautious about going to a class because, between my knee and my occasional carpal tunnel problems, there are lots of moves that I can't do. 

I almost got the BP down where it should be last spring, but the summer was crazy, and it went back up.  I've gotten it partway down again,* but it's not going down as far as it needs to.  I finally went back to my doctor last week to talk about BP drugs.  She's really busy with a new position so it took two months to get an appointment with her.  I have to admit, I slacked off on the salads during that time.  Why bother eating right when I have to take a drug anyway?

I'm back to salads again.

We started out my appointment discussing all the natural things.  We don't eat many processed foods, I don't add salt, I exercise every day, eat fruits & vegetables, etc.  I'd even lost weight over the holidays because of all the Zumba daughter and I did.  Less stress would help bring the BP down, but I can't control stress, and I internalize it all. I think that's actually the root of my blood pressure problem.  It's not stress as in being busy - although that probably adds to it.  It's stress as in putting up with everyone, always trying to be patient, never answer back, never tell anyone to mind their own business, etc.  - all those unsaid things that I just stuff down.  I can feel my chest muscles tighten when I do it. 

This recent post is a small example. 

BTW, this is not a problem with dear husband and my kids. Yes, I try to be patient, etc., if necessary, but it's not necessary that often. 

I would say that trying to be a Christian is raising my blood pressure, but I would be this way even if I were an atheist.  I don't like hurting people's feelings. 

That's why teaching aerobics was so good for me.  It wasn't just the exercise.  It was something that I could fully throw myself into, without having to hold back, which is what I do all the time.  It was also a way to get rid of all the negative emotion built up over countless interactions.  Zumba can occasionally do this - but only the most challenging classes. 

After going through all the things I've tried and changed, my doctor looked me straight in the eye and said that I shouldn't feel like I failed, and that some people, for some genetic or other reason, need to take drugs.

That's why I'll wait for two months to see her.  She really understands me, and that doesn't happen very often. 

I was so angry the weekend before my appointment.  Lots of things dear husband said irritated me, and I felt horrible about that because he'd been out of town all week.  Usually I'm ecstatic that he's home.  In general, my cynicism was high, even for me.  

For the last few weeks, my voice practice had been going really well.  I could sing higher than at any point since over a year ago.  All the illnesses I had last winter really did a job on my voice.  Strangely, on Sunday, I couldn't sing well.

I didn't realize until my voice lesson last Wednesday that my anger at having failed to reduce my BP had caused me to constrict my throat on Sunday.  I could barely sing through it.  During my lesson, I loosened up with the exercises, and I actually got up to Gs in the choir rehearsal that evening!  I haven't gotten up there in choir for a long time. 

I tried another drug, Cozaar, last Monday.  My doctor said that it usually had the fewest side effects, and she gave me the kind of dose she would give to someone with fragile kidneys.  Most people would be fine.

It was nasty.

I was as exhausted as if I was in the middle of the flu.  It sucked all the joy out of everything.  I didn't care about anything.  I was easily irritated, and my mental soundtrack sounded like that scene in The King's Speech - you know, the one that got the movie the R rating?!  I had a potty brain.  I was able to keep that from coming out of my mouth because I didn't want my kids to have that memory of me. Everything was boring.  Homeschooling math was boring - and I love math.  There was no choreography in my head.  I didn't enjoy any music.  I couldn't make up stories.  Insomnia is another side effect, and I had that along with fatigue.  I would just lie there in bed, totally bored, without a thought.  The house got really cluttered because I didn't care about anything.  I didn't even enjoy Zumba - when I recovered enough to even be able to drive. Younger son missed one of his homeschooling classes because I was too shaky to drive. There were other very curious side effects I won't discuss online.

I took one dose on Monday, and I didn't feel normal again until Saturday.  It took away my focus, my self-discipline, and my creativity.  There's not much left with all that gone. 

The second medicine was so much worse than the first that I'm going to go back and try the first one again in about an hour.  Younger son is a teenager now so he won't be as bothered.  I hope that my reaction this time isn't worse than last time. 

Oh, dear husband is deliberately not traveling these two weeks so that he can be here while I'm trying the medicines.  I've had bizarre responses to drugs, and I don't want older and younger sons to be the only ones around to have to deal with whatever is happening to me.

How much wine does it take you to get tipsy or to make you fall asleep?   I get relaxed on a small shot glass of wine (about 3 tablespoons) and I'm asleep on a large shot glass (about 5 tablespoons).  I fall asleep on a 2 year old's dose of Benadryl. 

Imagine having to explain this to every doctor you see.  They don't believe it until they prescribe a drug and something bizzare happens.  My regular doctur understands, which is worth so much. 

I'm sitting here with my "comfort music" on - Indigo Girls, Lucy Kaplansky, jazz standards, Mary Chapin Carpenter, and Tony Rice singing Gordon Lightfoot songs.  I'm soaking it all in before tonight's medicine robs me of me again. 

LATER...

I wrote that on Monday.  The drug made me loopy, but it seemed okay.  After a few hours, though, I started to have asthma problems.  I went to bed with my epi-pen on the nightstand, not because I felt that bad, but just as a precaution.  I didn't need it, but the asthma continued to get worse in the morning.  My lungs felt like someone had sandpapered them.  Benadyl helped, which means that it probably was an allergic reaction.  I called the nurse-line at the doctor to ask if the asthma lessened as one gets used to the drug. 

After she talked to one of the doctors (mine wasn't there), she called back to tell me to ABSOLUTELY NOT take any more of the drug.  This surprised me because it was far from the worst asthma attack I've ever had.  I didn't even have to sleep sitting up.  As far as drug reactions go, it was really a rather tolerable one. 

I have another appointment with my doctor on Monday.

Sigh.

 

*  I don't generally discuss BP numbers any more than I discuss my actual weight.

 

Comments

[Carrie K.]

Oh, Laura - I can so relate! I am allergic to all four main antibiotic groups, so have to be dying to take antibiotics, period. I am also struggling with high blood pressure, though mine is related to my weight and I'm working to get that under control so I can get off the meds. I hope they find one that works for you with NO side effects! Hang in there. (Hugs)

[Reticula]

What a nightmare! I react the same way to drugs, and so I avoid them as much as possible. You can't mess with the blood pressure though. My mom has had to try several in the past before one of them clicked. I hope you find one soon that gives you no side effects. Vibing.

[M Light]

Thank you! I'm sorry you have to deal with the antibiotic allergies. I hope you can get your blood pressure under control too! (Hugs)

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